During my meditation this morning, I heard that little voice saying it had been too long since I’d written anything, and therefore, “Write,” it said. And here I am.
Though truth be told, I decided to scan through my draft files to see what might be timely to post vs. write something completely from scratch (hey, I’m still writing this intro, aren’t I! 😉 ). “She Reflects” was originally written over a decade ago (wow!), though it still rings true today as much as it did then. In fact, I was talking to my friend Susan this evening on the phone about some aspects of what’s covered in the intro of this piece and the original prose, so it seems I was guided to my draft folder, after all. I believe it found me today as it did on January 5, 2017. Enjoy. ❤
January 5, 2017
The prose below was originally posted on June 4, 2009. I stumbled upon it this afternoon as I was sifting through my notes, and though I can often remember exactly when and why I wrote much of what I write, this was one piece that I don’t recall precisely when I wrote it, but just from the words, I do know why.
I believe it found me today as I’m in a place of pondering and processing life and where I’m standing at this moment; pondering where I’ve been and where I’m going. Thinking about with whom I’m surrounded by, and with whom I’m supported by. Who am I supporting, and who do I want to support? How do I keep moving, and why do certain actions, words, or reactions stir or trigger things in me? What is my purpose, and how do I fulfill that purpose?
I believe it’s healthy to do an inventory of your life every now and again, while also not dwelling on perceived failings or fears. As I read my words below from almost 7 years ago, I found a calm in knowing that I’m in a good place, though I’m not clear on what the future looks like. But my Faith knows it’s all good. My box is open, and I keep moving forward, and I strive, though imperfectly, for truth every day. I am aware of my “demons,” and do my work, so they don’t define or control me. It is my wish that you can say the same. We’re in this together.
Much love and peace,
She reflects on her life, wondering what it’s all for.
As she breathes in her daily breathe, she exhales today’s final stress.
If she follows that of many, she’s unsure of what she’s living for.
Is life simply things and tasks undone?
Is it sadness, unhappiness and promises unkept?
And that’s not to say there’s not good, nor hope or love or truthfulness,
But often, it’s a mask for a deeper truth unspoken;
A deeper truth that we’re afraid to bare;
Afraid to look into the mirror’s glare;
Afraid of what’s staring back at us.
It’s like rocks we’re afraid to overturn for fear of what’s underneath.
Not unlike the water we’re too afraid to wade in,
For fear of drowning or being swept away from the current that we aren’t prepared for or are too afraid from which to recover.
My heart aches with what upon which my eyes can see.
For underneath the pain and grief,
I’m convinced there’s a box that’s locked away with a missing key;
A box that needs to be opened and the layers peeled back and away;
A box that lies within each of us that contains the memories from which our lives have now become.
If we could only unlock this box that lies there in each of us, and face the demons within, what would remain is the energy transformed to something beautifully alive with the pain now benign.
It’s not a matter of ignoring, or fighting or rejecting,
But a matter of seeing that we are still standing,
No matter how hungry or persistent the demons have been.
We overcame the turmoil, the grief, the tears and the adversity that came before us.
We are still here, regardless,
And we still have so much to receive, so much to give, and so much life to live.
And it is true that the vulnerability of which life requires for us to completely live
Can open us up to more pain, so we want to lock it away within that box.
But we can’t. We mustn’t.
For if we do, we won’t move forward.
We need to face that pain–our inner demons–at some point;
For they’ll always creep up out of that box into our life whether we’re ready to deal or not.
And they’ll be very, very real, though they may be subconscious or seem surreal.
Or worse, they might make us act out against those we say we love because we haven’t done the work to heal.
So I request of you, maybe even beg of you, please hold my hand,
As I promise to stand hand in hand with you,
And work with you, so we’re one together,
And we will move forward again and again.
So today and tomorrow, next month and next year,
We will honor our grief and sorrow,
While we continue to stand in our truth and in our honor.
We will stand in our truth, and we will stand in our honor.
And with that, we will be incredible to all of those whose lives have touched us,
And in turn, whose lives we have surely touched.
A power, a wind, a purpose is foreseen, as we evolve into what we are meant to be.
But first, please find and use that key. `